IT

When IT happens, I sometimes wonder where I will be, what I will be doing, or if I will even be aware that IT is happening to me. I was sitting in bed last night with the puppy dogs, and the temperature in the room was near perfect. I was propped up in bed with the TV remote, watching some bad TV. Paco (we also call him the “little brown dog”) kept gently biting my nose because I wasn’t petting him enough. As soon as I began to massage his ears, he settled back down.

There was calm about this moment, and I was with my dogs, but otherwise alone. My body felt well -- no aches or pains or headaches. The bedroom window was open and I could occasionally hear people walking past the house, sometimes laughing a bit. Someone was barbequing on the grill and the faint smell of smoke came through the window. It really was the perfect evening for the most part. But, what if IT happened then? Would that be the perfect time for IT to happen to me?

I sometimes figure that when IT happens, I will be in a tense situation at work with everybody ornery and wanting a piece of my butt (and not in a good way). My blood vessels in my head would be pulsating on each side of my head, my skin red with blood coursing though my capillaries. Is this when IT will happen?

Or, will I be told approximately when IT will happen and what to expect? My friend Jim that I used to work with years ago said that when he gets close to it happening, he wants to be “fucked up” on weed. Personally, I’ve always preferred a prescription pain killer similar to codeine. I know a lot of people say codeine-type products upset their stomachs, but not mine. Bring it on “baby” if IT is getting close. I sometimes look at Greg and the Puppies, and think about my Niece and my Sister, and say to myself that it may not be so bad if IT happened to me first. IT would save me a lot of heartache.

Being the control freak I am, if I had the opportunity, I would probably want to orchestrate IT. But I can’t control IT. I hope for IT to happen quick and especially that I’m not aware of IT happening. My Grandma had that, and as much as she loved getting up in the morning and sitting on her porch reading her paper, when IT happened to her, she was fast asleep in front of the TV. Her hearing aid was buzzing because the aid had dislodged slightly from her ear and the feedback from the microphone was making a whistle. I walked up to her and gently flipped the little switch on the back of the hearing aid, and the whistling stopped. IT had happened to her – quick, and from what I could tell, painless. That was a gift. When do you think IT will happen to you?